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Of Trees and Golf Clubs

Tonight, we went out to take the trash to the curb. That way, it sits there all day until the garbage truck actually comes on Saturday. Anyway. Wandered over to check on the grape vines, including the monster vine that is shading the blueberry bush, and I looked up at the oak tree that’s shading the whole kit and kaboodle. There’s a dead branch, about 20 feet up.

Now, that part of the yard is where the kids tend to play, and with the immeasurable mess that is emergency medical care around here (and the billing thereof), I do not need one of the kids having that branch fall out and konk them on the head.

So, what did I do?

Went into the garage to find something to take out the dead branch.

What did I come out with?

A 9-iron. The only golf club I own, to be honest, and my primary snake-removal tool. Steven does use it to golf with a racquetball around the yard, but I use it for, well, other purposes.

Can I reach the branch with the 9?

No. I need a 3-wood. Actually, I need about 15 more feet.

So I throw it.

It is not the first time I’ve thrown a golf club into a tree. I gave up golf because, if I going to walk in the woods, I’d rather take a picnic blanket or an overnight backpacking bag.

What happens?

The golf club sails up, up, into the tree. Long and to the right. Which I should have expected, as that is typical when I swing a club.

It stuck there.

Now, plan B. Ladder. I’m going to climb the ladder, climb the tree, take out the branch and the club. Plan B? Vetoed by wife who has more sense than me.

Plan C?

Basketball! I throw, repeatedly, a basketball at the branch…which finally catches the ball and holds it.

Score: Tree 2, Doug 0.

At this point, I find a large, already downed branch and use it (15-footer!) to pull the dead branch out of the tree. This also frees the basketball.

The branch, however, is not tall enough to rescue the golf club. The solution?

Ever seen Caber-tossing?

Yeah, that didn’t work.

Finally, 40 hook shots and one granny-heave later, and the golf club comes down, takes a 4-inch deep divot out of the ground, and everything gets put away.

Moral of the story?

Use the bow and arrow next time. :)

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